A place to put my thoughts :)

Went to the doctors this morning and my tissue viability nurse came to see me, which was really good of her. 

She said that it's a good thing I have a hospital appointment next week and agreed that I need another operation in order to have a chance of getting back to normal (god it's been so long I have no idea what that means anymore!). 

It's good to know that someone is on my side, and i'm not just being left to waste away (yeah sounds dramatic, but that's how it feels right now). 

This is actually helping, writing things down I mean, it makes me get rid of all the thoughts from my head. 

Posted in Health

Ok, finally someone is listening to me!

My tissue viability nurse is coming to see me tomorrow at the doctors, and the colorectal (sounds horrible I know but it's not QUITE that bad yet lol) wants to see me on friday, they both say they cannot believe that the operation hasn't been done yet!

I finally decided to be more assertive (well I was told that I need to be by a very nice person who tells it like it is), this is my life and i'm not spending it wasting every day waiting for the doctors to decide to do something, i'm nearly 23 and I feel like i've achieved nothing, and i'm worried that i'm not going to achieve anything if I don't get well soon. 

A YEAR on tuesday since my last operation.  I cannot believe it, it feels like 5 minutes... all that time wasted, and not my fault or in my control, it's scary! 

I don't quite know what I want to achieve yet, its as though I don't want to think about it because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't get better in time or at all.  I'll tell you what though, all I really want is health and happiness. 

And along those lines, whoever says money doesn't make you happy must have been stupidly rich, because my lack of money is making my life so difficult right now.  I literally do not have two pennies to rub together.  If I had money I could help my mum out, and go private and stop all this messing about that the NHS causes!

Ok end of this for today... feeling a lot more positive :)

And nobody is reading this haha, but it helps to rant :)

Posted in Health

Ok, so this isn't particularly for anyone to read, it's just for me to vent and write down my feelings so I don't go mad!!

I went to the Hospital yesterday, was supposed to see my surgeon, but I ended up seeing some other doctor.  He said to let it heal then they will decide what to do.  It's ok for him to say that, but he doesn't realise how bad my life actually is. 

It has been ruined by this horrible illness which people do not seem to understand or care about. 

I've lost most of my friends because i've been so depressed.  Yeah i've cut them out, but that's understandable to me.  Who wants to hear about how great everyone's life is when mine is so bad, and so bad that I can't even begin to really explain?

I just wish that people really understood. 

I feel like i'm being left behind. 

Last night I cried so much that I thought I might never stop.  I honestly felt like if this is al my life is going to amount to then i'd rather not be here.  BUT I would NEVER do anything that stupid, I know what it would do to my family.  I'm going to fight this and i'm going to MAKE someone take notice.  I've got my whole life to live

Posted in Health